I am struggling. I have this feeling somewhere deep inside of me that maybe we should have another baby. There was a certainty that I was done, happy with my family, and I was complete. But now, now I think about cuddling a little baby and spending that quiet time bonding.
The kid is always on the go. She hugs and then runs off to do the next thing. She’s getting so grown up and independent and I can just see her growing and growing. I’m reminscing.
But every time I think about sharing the love I have for my little girl. Every time I think about splitting my attention between two children. Every time I think about telling my baby girl that she has to wait, my heart breaks a little bit.
I know that other parents do it. I love watching my friends with multiple children and how the kids work together and how they love each of them, and how different the kids can be. That your love grows and that siblings can be a wonderful addition to a child’s life, but when I really stop to think about it, all I can see is my baby girl sad because Mommy has to take care of something else.
I read a post like this and I get to the second child and I break down in tears because I could never, ever, ever make my baby girl, the love of my life, feel replaced.
And I go right back to just not knowing.
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I go back and forth the same way, really. I look at our kid and I just know she’d be an awesome older sister. She has a real compassionate streak in her – always asking why we’re upset or saying “it’s ok” if she thinks someone needs a boost (she often says ‘oh goalie it’s okay’ when she sees a goalie laying on the ice during hockey highlights).
I don’t see it as having to share my love in the same way that Amy does. But I do wonder about more tangible things like money, time and room in the house. We’re a good fit as a family right now, finally digging ourselves out from some debt and generally content with things. As awesome as kids are, they ARE a big disruption to silly things like plans and routines and the like. I also worry about Amy’s health and some of the risks associated with pregnancy for her…
But then I think about how awesome it would be to have another little person around here, delighting us and generally being awesome.
It’s not an easy decision.
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Love for kids is an amazing thing. I know both Eric and I struggled with that. We both liked and loved Kiernan so MUCH – how could we like more kids that much??!
You can and you do
That’s not to say it won’t be hard, and there wouldn’t be times when she felt neglected, but the good times help, and the hard times are good for learning.
Decisions like this are hard. Breathe and think about what you want for your family. There’s no need to rush
The love doesn’t divide – it multiplies. Corny, but true. I think children and siblings are the greatest gift – they teach each other patience, sharing, cooperation and resolving conflict (’cause there is ALWAYS conflict!) I thought we were done at 2 – boy & a girl. Then we were blessed with one more – a boy I couldn’t imagine our lives without. You never know how it will change you until you do it – but from my perspective, it’s totally worth it.
We have one so far, but have recently decided together that we are going to grow the family. Like Joe (it’s probably a guy thing) I mostly worry about logistics and money; but we worried about that before having even one, so I figure it’ll mostly work itself out. First one is getting near to school age, so the daycare money will mostly “transfer over”.
One thing I never worry about is sharing love. For sure some of the things Amy is worried about will be a reality (jealousy, sadness, or anger when one child can’t have 100% of our attention at all times), but the new addition is going to add new love to the family, not take a slice out or dilute the existing love, y’know? It’s going to be awesome seeing our first born experience a whole new kind of love as well.
But having no kids is the right choice for some people. Having one child is perfect for others. Having a whole stable of little critters is what makes some families thrive. Whatever you guys decide, I’m absolutely positive that it’ll be the right choice for your family.
I struggled with that decision until it was ultimately too late, for me anyway. I just couldn’t reconcile splitting my time, love and attention between two little beings, no matter how much I wanted another. I continually asked myself if I could love a second child as much as my first, and because I couldn’t come up with a definitive answer, he remains an only child. I honestly believe that part of it was the simple idea of having another babe to snuggle and nurture, and not so much the concrete desire for another child. It’s a hard reality to grasp when you do finally realize that “this is it”; no more babies.
Of course, when I look at my son now, and see how lonely he gets sometimes, and the fact that if he had a sibling, they could terrorize, I mean, amuse each other, instead of just me, I definitely do regret dragging my feet on the decision. He would’ve made a great big brother.
As a young couple starting to make plans for our own family this is something we often discuss. As an only child myself I have always vowed that I would always have more than one kid. I grew up faster than most not having much other child interaction other than school and sports. Now looking forward, knowing I’ll be missing out not having anyone once my parents pass and never being able to be an Aunt. At the same time I worry about all of the same concerns you have addressed. It’s a difficult decision but I know that we won’t be a one child family.