We are now the proud parents of a two year old. She is absolutely wonderful in so many ways and I think we both love her more than we ever knew was possible. She entertains us and gives great hugs and she tells great stories and laughs and laughs.
But holy hell.
Right now we are in the “No” stage I have heard so much about. She doesn’t want to do anything the first time you ask. I have no idea where she learned that the secret to tantrums was to lie down on the floor and thrash, but she does that too.
The biggest issue for both of us right now is the constant need for Mommy. She always wants me with her. She wants me not Daddy to take her down for breakfast, she wants to come to work with me or stay home with me instead of going to daycare.
Not only is it hard on me to listen to her cry when I tell her I have to go to work by myself and she had to go to daycare, it’s also difficult for Joe who is the Daddy that is never Mommy. She’s upset when he opens her bedroom door in the morning because she’s been calling out for me.
It’s nice to be wanted, sure, but it’s really hard to be constantly wanted.
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Sometimes I think it’d be easier if she was always pissed at me. But the weird/hard part is she freaks out when I get her from her room in the morning but is usually calm and loving by the time we get downstairs. One day this weekend she actually kicked and thrashed as I carried her down the stairs so I plopped her down in the living room and walked into the kitchen to make the coffee. Before I had the pot out of the coffee maker she was in giving me a hug saying “Hi daddy!”
I guess it’s like everything else when it comes to toddlers, wait an hour and she’ll be a different kid. Two weeks ago at skating she refused to even try to stand up, last week she was making her way around only needing me to hold one of her hands.
When I’m thinking rationally, I know we’ll get through. But in the midst of a meltdown it’s hard to be rational. She’s certainly not.
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OMG! She is 2 already!
First and foremost, tell yourself that this is only temporary.
Let her have her tantrums. Be matter of fact about them and try not to show emotion towards them as they will escalate. Leaving the room and going about what you were doing is a good way of doing things. Once she sees that her tantrums do her no good, they will eventually stop.
Unless the tantrums involve throwing things or hurting people, they are harmless. If she reverts to throwing things or hurting people, use the time out corner/chair/stair, explain why she is in time-out and leave. If she gets out of time out… without emotion and just matter of fact, put her back in it. If you have a timer, it helps to put it in her view so that she knows when it dings, her time is up.
It is important at this age to start giving them choices but limiting them to two items only. Too many choices might even overwhelm her and cause a tantrum. So if she wants to pick a toy to play with, bring out two toys and let her pick. Many parents forget that at that age, things need to be simple for them. I always question why some parents ask a two year old if it’s time to eat, or shall we go take your bath? or shall we do groceries now… rather than saying “YAY! It’s bathtime!” in a positive way to try and get the reaction you want from them.
Tantrums in a public place can be tricky. I do not reward bad behavior (unlike some parents I have seen giving in to their child to avoid a public scene). My kids each had ONE public tantrum and I walked away from them and left them in the middle of the aisle and told them to remain there until they stopped their crying. The crying would stop almost immediately after I was out of their sight and they would get up to come and find me. People may judge me harsh but they never had another tantrum again.
To avoid tantrums in the store, I gave them rewards at home after the shopping was done. They would be a special dessert, or stickers, anything small. That way, they never expected anything at the store.
As for the always wanting Mommy, that is quite normal. It might be that way for a while yet. You might want to set aside a fun Daddy time each and every day. It only has to be about 10 minutes. It can be a story, a dance with music, eating a special snack together, etc. She will come to look forward to those and soon enough, she will be wanting Daddy too.
The statements above are my opinions only. I hope some can be helpful to you! Enjoy the 2yr old stage. This is the time I found I had to be the most creative as a parent and trying to be ahead of the game. Remember, it’s only temporary!